Refresh and Recharge

Drinking wine at lunch on a sun-soaked patio overlooking a glorious turquoise pool. Having a nap, in the morning after a full breakfast complete with egg-white omelette that I did not make. An impromptu massage before a 9 pm dinner. Glasses of wine served in pristine glasses overlooking beautiful vineyards. Feeling a cold wave crash over your head fighting the Niagara Rapids in an open jet boat. Having a conversation with adults (including a husband) that is not interrupted by “please do not eat with your hands.”

These are a few of the precious memories this mom of three took with her into this past week from a luxurious, too-short mini trip away with Mr. L to Niagara-on-the-Lake. An agreeable grandmother who took on all three of the kids (plus the dog) for a weekend so we could sneak away for some much-needed R&R led to a weekend full of food, wine, friends and fun. And much too short….

IMG_6208

I could write away with abandon on everything we did, the amount of wine consumed, the delicious food, but all I will state is that if in the area, Niagara-on-the-Lake and Pillar and Post are two of my favorite things right now and if you can, run for a visit.

Poolside at Pillar and Post

Poolside at Pillar and Post

Instead, it became clear to me how much I needed a little recharging. As parents, couples well, people, I find if we don’t find a balance in life and slow down, life can turn from being busy and full to difficult and something you have to endure. As a mom home alone with three kiddies, dog and on her own for much of the time, it was a necessity.

The whole trip was based upon another couple. Good friends who were celebrating their twentieth anniversary, they had never been away from their son for one night. He is now sixteen. At dinner a winter ago, and after a cocktail or two the subject of their upcoming “china” anniversary came up. I volunteered to take them on a wine tour, something they have never done and we would make a weekend out of it. Planning is a strength for me, even in these crazy days, so with a little research I booked everything and then tacked on an extra night for Mr. L and I as a belated anniversary gift to ourselves.

From www.clipartof.com

All during the spring and early summer I looked forward to our weekend knowing that my hard work at home with the kids would be rewarded. And it was, very nicely. It was a picture-perfect weekend, (except for my red-eye due to severe allergic reaction this year to ragweed) and it seemed the weather gods had even listened providing the perfect weather to take a wine tour and enjoy the posh amenities at the Pillar and Post.

The other couple was so grateful  and had enjoyed themselves so much, another tentative trip back is planned in January. I have a feeling now that they have a taste of alone time away from the responsibilities of house/child they will crave more of it. Or perhaps they were finally at a place where they felt comfortable to leave their son for a night or two with good friends or family. Either way, the embraced the weekend.

For me, a SAHM who spends most of her time catering to the demands of four other people,  these carved out chunks of time are a welcome respite from well, normal life. I learned on this trip that it was not only me who craved and appreciated these times. Mr. L and our friends enjoyed a couple of days away from, well, the kids. Time away could be something as simple as a visit to my mother’s house, alone, but to be able to hear one’s thoughts for even a day is welcome. I have been known to take long walks to clear my head in order to achieve a little clairty.

In the everyday rush of life, I think sometimes we forget a bit of silence, rest and enjoyment from pleasures like a bike ride down a country road can work tiny miracles upon ourselves. It has done wonders for me this week. I feel calmer. My head feels a bit clearer. I can see things not as a constant to-do list but the big plans ahead with time to complete what I need to do. Life does not seem as overwhelming. I call it the “post-vacation high.” Sometimes it lasts a few days, sometimes longer. But I will soak it in while I can.

And on the upcoming days when things seem to start to spin out of control, I will close my eyes and picture the vineyards and remember I can go back. Even for a day. Soon.

Advertisements

Looking for fun.

Three weeks. That is how much time is left until the kiddies are off to school. After our mini vacation to Niagara Falls, the rest of this week was much like a brisk autumn wind. Chilling my skin and waking up my senses.

The nights are cooling off as we cross out each day on the calendar realizing the end of summer is near at hand. I can already feel my pulse quickening as the inevitable drop-dead date of getting my crew prepared for back-to-school creeps closer. Quickening in anxiety as I try to mentally figure out when we are going to fit in shopping for new shoes, school supplies and clothes. Quickening in excitement as we reach a point in our family where this Mom of three will have two whole days to herself. What does that even mean? I have no concept yet. 

One of our regular babysitters had some free time this week so being a mom who will take advantage of an opportunity, booked her in for a few hours so I could focus a little bit on my own personal care including squeezing in some road biking. The Try a Tri I am training for is approaching and although my body is starting to become tired craving the slower pace of a yoga class, I am proud that I have made a semi-regular habit out of running, swimming and biking this summer. There is no set routine as I am at the mercy of other’s schedules but with a willing sitter, I was able to squeeze in a bike ride. Having to forgo the swimming this week (due to a random case of mysterious pink-eye I contacted) I am ignoring the discomfort of dry and itchy eyes and at least sticking to biking and running. Even now I am waiting for Mr. L to return from his weekly radio gig to take my borrowed white bike out for a spin followed by a brief run. My second “brick.” It is wonderful when one learns a new language! 

 

Combined with an impromptu ladies martini night out and fabulous adult dinner hosted by my husband’s business partner and his wife the last two nights, my heavy head would love to hit my soft pillow for a nap, but a bit of food, (Only one piece of chocolate was included in my afternoon coffee break! I am thinking the pita chips/hummus will be much better on my body.) and coffee later I will be ready to go. I hope! 

The accomplishment that I pushed myself past my innately lazy self to get moving will be a great way to start this upcoming week! Running around cleaning the house this morning before a planned visit from an out of town friend and her daughter my five year old stated, “Mom, you’re no fun!” I cringed hearing those words. 

So I go. I will ride on on the breeze of Lake Ontario and then run on the shoreline in the hopes to leave my tired self behind in the hopes that after a good night’s sleep I will awaken tomorrow morning with a clearer head in order to have “more fun” with my little brood. After all, it is a new week with planned adventures for us. What is more “fun” than that? 

 

A milestone – a Mom’s turn.

Milestones. We celebrate them. We reward them. We rejoice in the accomplishments of our children reaching them. The first time they sleep through the night. Potty training. Losing teeth. Riding a bike. Reading.

This past long weekend, I reached a parenting milestone. A mini getaway, just me and the kids.

Now do not misunderstand. Mr. L is always welcome and appreciated on any family adventures. Most of the time he is very present, being a hands-on modern dad. However, he is a busy guy with his own business. This past year it became apparent to me that I cannot wait for his schedule to clear on each and every family adventure we have. It is not because he does not want to come with us. It is simply he is not yet at the point in his career where he can take off on a whim for a two-day getaway. It has taken me some time to realize, admit and grudgingly accept it. It is simply our situation. My rose-coloured views one child ago of us doing absolutely everything together; not even imagining planning anything without his prescence, has been altered into a more realistic point of view.

It became apparent after a marathon and rushed planning session with Mr. L regarding day trips, camping overnighter and lots of open time to just wake up and plan our day with the simple pleasures of summer (as per his wishes) that I was left with an unsatisfied feeling. I wanted to do something else with the kids. I wanted to take them somewhere new this summer.

My childhood summer memories overflow with grainy images of camping trips, Canada’s Wonderland, my grandparent’s farm, Storybook Gardens and of course, Niagara Falls.  I also realized over the years that my mom was typically the sole parent most of the time. Or at least that is how I remember it.

Then it hit me. If I wanted to take the kids on a mini getaway, why shouldn’t I? Why did I feel as if I had to wait for Mr. L’s schedule to open up? We do not have a cottage I can simply take the kids and go to when the urge to getaway strikes. No time share in Florida. What was stopping me?

From

From helenismostoshare.blogspot.com

Fear. I realized I felt fear upon hitting that milestone of traveling with the kids on my own. Fearful and overwhelmed. Granted I have three young children, but still. Me, afraid?

I found it strange to have such a feeling since I spend most of my days with the kids ,alone, and manage (most of the time) to keep us all sane and semi-put-together.  I plan things to do around town, take them on picnics, parks and hikes. My choice to be at home is a role we both agreed that I would take on, at least in their early years.  However, that does not mean I have ultimate say in their lives. Mr. L is very much involved in the important things that have to do with our children and home. He is very much present scrambling to get home to give them baths, play a goofy game of tag and tuck them in.

Yet, fear was stopping me. Fear of being able to manage while travelling further than my parent’s house and back with them. Fear of taking that step that can sometimes make a family feel more separated when one parent is more present than another. Pondering this irrational fear it struck me that most likely lingering memories of how much my mother did on her own with me and my siblings and how un-present my father was at times due to work, may have been unknowingly feeding my fear. These memories seemed to be at the forefront of my determination and fear that our family would (and should) do everything together or else “suffer the consequences.” Yes, my parents ultimately divorced. (And yes, I am a psychology major in another lifetime.)

So, I faced my fear. I talked with Mr. L, who frankly and admittedly would not undertake any trip with the three kids on his own himself, but who said, “If you want to do it, then do it. I’m okay with it.” I am not entirely sure he understood why I felt I needed to plan this mini getaway with the kids, but he was supportive and I made my plans.

Scrambling to put together an itinerary and book hotel and tickets, a mini trip to Niagara Falls was planned.  One night with Mr. L followed by a family day at Safari Niagara. Mr. L would then head home on an evening train for work the next day and for one night and day it was just me and the kids, exploring the hotel’s pool and restaurants followed by a day checking out Clifton Hill in Niagara Falls before our drive home. Nothing huge but a milestone for this mom of three whose biggest overnight adventure alone with the kids was to the small town I grew up in where we were surrounded by grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins. Not really the same thing as being completely on your own.

Kids at Safari Niagara

Kids at Safari Niagara

All of it went without too much drama. We were fortunate to have beautiful weather on a long weekend. The second night on my own was a bit tricky as the girls were getting grumpy sharing a bed for the first time in our two-room suite at the Embassy Suites and Jacob decided to wake up at 2:45 am to “sleep” with mom. (Mr. L is the normal go-to person for middle of the night wake up calls which are fortunately, infrequent.) But I got through it. Thank goodness for Starbucks in the hotel lobby!

IMG_5978

The day in downtown Niagara Falls complete with Skywheel ride, Build-a-Bear, Rainforest Cafe for lunch and then Hershey Store all went off without a hitch. I was proud of my kids who for the most part, were a fun little crew to be with for a day.

IMG_5996

Mr. L missed us and I think was regretting his decision not to stay. (He actually considered it for a couple of minutes before leaving for his train. After all, we do love having him around and he does enjoy being with his family versus work.) I received a couple of random emails from him asking what we were doing and to send pictures, which I was glad to do telling the kids to smile big for daddy.

What this experience taught me, because let’s face it, moms are always learning new things about ourselves, was that I can do it. I can travel with my kids. I do not need to wait upon someone else’s schedule to do everything I want to do with the three of them. Of course, I would prefer having Mr. L with us, but sometimes, as is normal and realistic, it is not going to be possible. So, I need to be okay with this part of life and also realize, it does not take away from our family. But in fact, enriches it a little. A little separation from the daily grind of routine, bath times and rushed dinners is not a bad thing. It made me appreciate how much I enjoy having Mr. L with me on family adventures and how much he does when we are together as a family. Mr. L appreciated being at home and getting some work done in a quiet house. He missed us and was looking forward to our return, but sometimes he needs some quiet time as well.

The night we returned home, exhausted but brimming with stories, we sat down to a casual family dinner of pizza and I realized I had no reason to be fearful. I could embrace the experience as achieving a milestone, conquer a fear and look forward to our next family adventure, on my own or all together. Either way would be fine for our family.